One time Ellie asked me what my saddest song was and when I told her, she was surprised. It’s “Celebration” by Kool and the Gang in case you were wondering. I know, I know, crazy right? How is an upbeat song like that my saddest song ever? Well, see, when I was eight, my mom, she got killed in a car accident. When my dad and I got to the hospital, that was what was playing when the doctor told us. When he told us that my mom was dead. That she was never coming back to us. And as he stood there, telling us this sad news, that stupid happy freaking song was playing. I remember wishing the music would just stop. Because there was nothing worth celebrating at that moment.

I still can’t listen to that song. It’s been 14 years and I still can’t stand to hear it. It brings it all back like it was yesterday. I can still smell that sterile, mediciney smell of a hospital. I can still hear that doctor’s voice telling me that my mom was dead. Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever be able to hear it and not feel all those things. But I know I’ll always be reminded of that day. That’s just the power of music. And some people still say music doesn’t change lives. Whatever.

1. Ask me three questions you want to know the truth to.
2. I will pick two of them to answer
3. One I will tell the truth about
4. One I will lie about (the last you will have to try and answer for me)
5. Post this in your journal so others can ask you.

When I kissed Lucas that night in my office at Tric, I did it because, just like I told him, I was (am) still in love with him. You know, telling him I wouldn’t marry him when he came to LA and proposed was such a huge mistake. Okay, so it didn’t seem like it at the time. I wasn’t ready. It was overwhelming and scary and I just…I wasn’t ready for all that. But I didn’t say no. I said someday. And that’s what I meant. Someday I did wanna marry Lucas. I did. But that wasn’t the right time. I was young and scared and had no clue that by telling him I wasn’t ready it would mean that we wouldn’t be together anymore. I just thought that he would wait. Yeah, pretty stupid huh? But what else was I supposed to think? I thought Luke was my one big love. The one I’d be with forever. I never dreamed that when I told him ‘someday’ it would mean never. That he’d run off and start dating someone else.

But that’s what happened. He was with Lindsay. And even though I came back home for him (even though I totally denied that part of it), he didn’t want me. Or so he said. That kiss though? That told me otherwise. Lucas still loved me. He didn’t push me away. He didn’t say no. He kissed me back. Okay, so right after that, he ran out and then went home and proposed to Linsday, but still. That kiss told me everything I needed to know. Lucas still loved me.

1. Making this CD with Haley. She’s really talented and I think it’s been way too long since she was involved in music. Plus, it’s really awesome for my record company. I mean, she had a huge selling debut album. How is that not good for me? No, but seriously, our friendship hasn’t really been that great since we got back. The whole Lindsey thing sort of threw things off for awhile. But it feels like things are starting to get back on track. I think it’s really cool that she wants to do this album.

//locked//

2. Lucas to finally come to his senses. I know, I know, Lindsey just left him at the altar and he loves her and all that. But, he loves me too. No matter how much he tries to deny it or pretend it’s not there. I promised him I wouldn’t interfere anymore and I won’t. I’ll let him go if that’s what I need to do. But it doesn’t stop me from still loving him and wanting him.

//unlocked//

3. Caleb to move to Tree Hill. I know, you’re probably wondering why I care about that. And trust me, it’s not for that reason you’re probably thinking. Don’t worry, I know my past speaks for itself, but this really isn’t what it sounds like. I just want him to move here so that Brooke doesn’t move to New York. I don’t want to be away from my best friend. Sue me.


Muse: Peyton Sawyer
Fandom: One Tree Hill
Word Count: 248

( I should really be working )

Back home in Tree Hill there's this bridge, it's out on this road in basically the middle of nowhere. Then again, that's pretty much what Tree Hill is. The middle of nowhere. But anyway, so not the point of this story right? It's about where I go when I want to get away from all those pressures in life. I know, you probably thought I was gonna say my mom's grave didn't you? Well, you guessed wrong. 'Cause yeah, I do go there a lot. Or I did anyway, when I lived there. But that's mostly to talk to my mom, have one of those mother-daughter chats I missed out on growing up. You know, minus the mother part.

Anyway, again with the off track. Sometimes I do that. It's this whole stream of consciousness sidebar or whatever. But I'm focused and I'm back on track. Bridge. Tree Hill.

So this bridge, I've been going there since I was a kid. There's this really cool place under it, and I always used to go down there and just sit. It's peaceful and quiet there. Like my own little world where I can go and think and not have to deal with anyone or anything. There's only one person who knows about this place. Well, no, I lied, actually two people know. Or one knows and one used to know. Brooke's one of them. She knows because she used to go down there with me when we were kids. It's where she found me after my mom died. The other person is, or was, Ellie. She said she used to watch us down there. Me and Brooke. Kinda creepy huh? Or maybe not, I mean, I guess I should be glad that she was being a total stalker mom from far away keeping an eye on me or whatever right? Yeah, still creepy.

Yeah, so, that's it. My special place to hide away when life gets too crazy for me. I don't really have a place like that here in LA. And you know what? I kinda miss it.

"I swear I didn't put those...."

"Sure ya didn't John." I replied with a sigh, leaning back in the chair in my office as I cradled the phone. "It wasn't you. Not John, the big time record executive who thought he could come in and steal away my artist."

"Peyton, I assure you, those were not my words in that interview." He protested, trying like Hell to convince me he was innocent.

"Never are. Don't you know I know your style by now John?" I asked, a dry sarcastic laugh following my words. "I worked for you for what? A couple of years.

"Assistant to the assistant." He reminded me and I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah. Well, not anymore. Now I'm president of my own label John and in case you forgot, Mia's still my artist. She might be undersigned but she's still mine. Still on my label. We just used your label to get her out there. Get her heard. Have you figured that out yet?"

"Yes, of course Peyton, but still."

"Not the point. You're gonna issue a retraction on behalf of your record company apologizing for the mistake. And you will say Mia's signed with Red Bedroom Records. I'm not playing this game with you. You forget, this is one game I know how to play. Fix this or you're gonna regret it." I said with finality. "I have nothing else to say to you, so put Mia on the phone."


Muse: Peyton Sawyer
Fandom: One Tree Hill
Word Count: 240

( Boring crap about me. Don't say I didn't warn you. )

You know, I always thought it would be me. Sounds selfish doesn’t it? But it’s true. I always thought I’d be the one living out my dream. Guess it didn’t really work out that way though. When I went to LA, I thought, this is it, this is my chance. My chance to change someone else’s life like mine had been changed. But instead I ended up delivering mail to these self important bureaucrats who know shit about music. They’re not in it for the music, they’re in it for the money. So not the point. Anyway, where was I? Oh right. How I thought I’d be the one to achieve my dreams.

But it wasn’t me.

It was everyone but me. Take Brooke for example. Multi-million dollar international company. High end clothes, boutiques all over the map, even her own magazine. Lucas? Best selling novel. Even Nathan got signed to the NBA before he got in that fight and lost it all.

Every single one of my friends have been in newspapers and magazines. Headlines bearing their names, stories about them. The public was actually interested in their lives. What they were doing. Hell, even what they were wearing. That mostly applies to Brooke, but you get my point.

And then there was me. Still delivering mail. Still that anonymous nobody with big dreams that never amounted to anything. I worked my ass off every single day for those four years and that fame, that accomplishment was never mine. It sucked, okay? Maybe that makes me a horrible person for feeling that way, but I couldn’t help it. When was it gonna be my turn?

But I guess it's worth it if at the end of the day, I haven't become one of those faceless bastards who are in it for the money. It's the music that matters. I still believe that. And it's definitely more important than any personal gain, any fame, any fortune. Music is more important than any headline. Guess you could say that my dreams are so much bigger than me. And I'm fine with that, really. Of all the things I could ever be known for, that would be the only one I'd actually be proud of. Plus, now I have Mia. She's gonna get me my headline one day.


Peyton Sawyer
One Tree Hill
Word Count: 386

Dear Mom,

Hey, it’s me, Peyton. I know, pretty lame writing you a letter right? It’s not like you can even see it. But that never stopped me from coming to your grave and talking to you did it? Guess since we can’t exactly have any of those mother-daughter chats, I gotta do what I can. And well, I kinda live in LA now so it’s not like I can drop by the cemetery like I used to. So this is me, improvising.

So, it’s been awhile. I guess I really don’t even know where to start. I’m living in California now. I have been for awhile. See, I got this whole big internship at Sire Records. All those big dreams of signing bands that would change someone else’s life like they changed mine and where did I end up? The freaking mailroom. Yeah. I know right? And I know you’d probably tell me I should be proud of that. That everyone has to start somewhere. But I’m just so discouraged.

Not everything in my life sucks though. I have Brooke. Yeah, I’ve been meaning to tell you about that. See, me and Brooke? Well, we’re kinda more than friends. I mean, we have been for awhile now, but it was all secret and no one knew and we had Nathan and Lucas. But now? Well, now it’s just us. And…well, she just makes me happy. It just works. When nothing else in my life makes sense, Brooke does. I don’t know how else to explain it. You know how when you just know something fits? Like a puzzle that's missing a piece and then you find it and finally the picture is totally complete. We spent four years, off and on, sneaking around behind our boyfriend's backs. There was just something there between us that neither of us could walk away from. And when it came down to it, I realized that it was her I'd wanted all along. I loved Nathan, I did. But in the end, I loved Brooke more. It was her I wanted to be with. I was finally tired of hiding. Of pretending there was nothing there when what was there was everything. And that was something I wasn't willing to give up.

I guess I’ve rambled on long enough. So, I’m gonna end this here. It’s not like I’m gonna send it or that you’re gonna write back. There’s just something about getting out all these thoughts into the air, it just really lifts them out of me and lessens what I'm carrying around. Thanks for listening, Mom.

Love,
Peyton